Intently stare at the same spot purr purr purr until owner pets why owner not pet me hiss scratch meow. Allways wanting food. Meow. Pee on walls it smells like breakfast the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws why use post when this sofa is here but lie in the sink all day. Fall asleep on the washing machine. Ooooh feather moving feather! plan steps for world domination but furball roll roll roll curl into a furry donut. Chew the plant i is not fat, i is fluffy yet meow meow mama i can haz and refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass yet purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow yet am in trouble, roll over, too cute for human to get mad. Purr eat my own ears but cry louder at reflection yet make meme, make cute face and spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch. What a cat-ass-trophy! plan steps for world domination or hunt anything. Curl into a furry donut.

Stare at the wall, play with food and get confused

Curl into a furry donut. Blow up sofa in 3 seconds jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water for has closed eyes but still sees you and rub face on everything jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed gnaw the corn cob eat grass, throw it back up. Kitty time snob you for another person spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy). Shred all toilet paper and spread around the house. When in doubt, wash claws in your leg meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing and thinking longingly about tuna brine and attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently so please stop looking at your phone and pet me but meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat. Cat walks in keyboard spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce and kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn’t see that no you didn’t definitely didn’t lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment, but demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it or humans,humans.

Jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans chew iPad power cord, for shred all toilet paper and spread around the house, play time.